The Food that Separates Us (and a new recipe!)


A handful of days ago, for MNF, my husband had a guys night for his brother’s birthday. One of my brother-in-law’s favorite foods is fish tacos, so that’s what I made for him! I am not sure I made the tacos as good as they are on the California coast like he’s used to having but I gave it my best shot. I mean, nothing can beat the freshness of fish caught that day and then eaten. And I know, fish tacos aren’t very “vegan” of me, but this meal was not about me. It was about my brother in law, and making something special for him, something that would make him feel loved on his birthday. That is always my goal when I invite people into my home for a meal or just a cup of coffee, that they don’t feel out-of-place, but they feel welcomed, and accepted for who they are.

As I was gutting my ripe avocados, I couldn’t help but reminisce over the first time I ever tried to make guacamole; oddly enough it was for when I had my brother and Dad over to watch the Broncos game. Ha! I remember using my tiny food processor to grind the avocados, but for some reason they weren’t coming out creamy. Instead, the avocados were grainy, and not blending together well. This was a result of my avocados not being ripe. “Avocados need to be ripe in order to make guacamole?” I thought to myself. “Um, oops?” I had no idea what I was doing in the kitchen at that time in my life. I had just began my cooking journey, but all I remember wanting to do was impress my dad and brother so they would always want to watch the game at my house. I got better at making guacamole as years went on, and got better at making game food as well. I don’t think that my tiny 600 square foot condo ever became the fave place to watch the Broncos game, but I do know that a lot of memories were made there. Like watching the Colorado Rockies make it to the World Series, while fighting with my brother to switch the channel back to the Broncos game. Watching Peyton Manning and the Colts beat the Chicago Bears in the Super Bowl. Dozens of Broncos games, remembering my grandma with every bite of her green chili. Chips, home made salsa, quesadillas over flowing with sweetened black beans and cheese (the only game food I knew how to make for a loooong time). That’s the food that brought us together on game day. Isn’t that what food is supposed to do? Bring us together around the table (or a coffee table in a 600 square foot apartment)? Food is supposed to be something that brings us together, connect us, not tear us apart.

I truly believe God created food not to separate people, but to unite them; to share in the joy of the ones we love, while nourishing our physical bodies. So many special things happened in the Bible around food and around a table. And no, I don’t think that was an accident. Our tables are sacred places in our homes, our relational battlefields if you will. It’s where we share our good times and bad times with each other. It’s where we catch up with each other at the end of the day, and where we start our days (hopefully) in the morning. It’s where birthday parties happen and ball games are watched. It’s where careful planning happens for the next events to come. It’s where stories are told and where people who are broken come, to be listened to and to be heard, and to be fed. The table is where life happens. And if we are putting too much emphasis on what’s being served and whether we “should” be eating it or not, then we are missing the point of what’s happening around our table.

I read a book called “Bread and Wine: A love Letter to Life Around the Table” and if you haven’t read it, put it at the top of your must read list because it’s that good! It is a book that has really changed my perspective on life around my table, and how important it is to have intentional friendships. And the role food does play in our relationships, how it brings us together, and the memories that stick in our minds when we smell or taste certain foods. I want to have the mindset that the author has; her longing to have people around her table all of the time is a lot like mine. Her desire to serve others is a lot like mine, and her goal to always have a nummy menu is a lot like mine. But where her and I differ is, her being ok with any food at her table. Her acceptance of who she is and being confident in her own skin, and her sweetness and total dependence on God. God is always at her table, whether her table is a park bench in Paris, or on the floor of her living room, He is there. Whether it’s just her and her family around the table, or a crowd of 50 people, He is there. I want that. In fact, I long for that. I don’t always feel like God is at our table, but our sinful natures that have taken over, are.

Being mindful of what we are putting into our bodies is a good thing to do. We do need to take care of the bodies we’ve been given and there are foods we really should eat sparingly. Absolutely. I do give my husband “the look” every time he gives our kids a donut, but that’s just being a good mom right?? No? A nagging wife then??😊 But there is a time and a place for the healthy eating talks and encouragement. And if we aren’t careful, we can alienate those around us because of what we refuse to eat. There are so many different ways to eat in this country and so many different diet plans. How are we supposed to keep up with all of them? I think keeping the dialogue open to discuss eating habits and preferences is a good thing, but also having the ability to show grace and acceptance when eating at other people’s homes is also a very good thing to practice. And I’m not pointing fingers at anyone in particular, as this is happening to me in my own life. I was asked/hired to cater the Christmas Banquet at our church this year and can I just say….I was so honored to be asked! But there was a little bit of tension between me and the coordinator. She mentioned more than once that meat needed to be served at the banquet. She did it so sweetly, trying not to be rude. And of course I didn’t think that she was. But I was worried that I was coming off as pushing my vegan agenda, because I just catered the women’s retreat last month and it was a vegan menu. I feared that I was in danger of alienating those relationships that I was trying to bloom. I wanted her to know that I was willing to cook any meal she wanted, no matter what it was. And that I will do it with a grateful, unconditional, non judgmental heart. Because all I really want to do is make her and the congregation happy, and I of course want them to enjoy the food that I make. I just love to serve others and show love to them by the food I fill their bellies with teehee! It is said that cooking is love made edible.

So where is all of this coming from? Well, I’ve been on the side where my food hasn’t been good enough for my guests to eat. It contained ingredients that “they just don’t eat”, and it hurts. It hurts to be so excited to have everyone you love over, you open up your home and your table, for them to just snub your food that took you all day to prepare. It got to the point where I no longer wanted to host get togethers because I couldn’t take the rejection or the judgments. And I’m still working through that. I’ve also been on the side of not eating what has been made for me at other people’s homes and have seen their faces of disappointment and hurt. It’s hard to be “that” person at someone’s home, or being the reason someone doesn’t make the food that they love because I don’t eat it. I restricted myself for so long, of the foods most people eat on a daily basis, that I needed to be partially hospitalized because I could no longer hide that I had an eating disorder. It took me a very long time to get back to the place where I wasn’t anxious about food, and where I was truly ok with the food set in front of me, even if it wasn’t what I would choose to eat at home. But, something happened to me the other night that made me realize what’s really important in this life, and it’s not the food that we eat.

While my hubby was watching the game with his brothers, I was watching the game with my Dad and his wife, at the Broncos Stadium. It was an away game for the Broncos, but my Dad and his wife were invited to a special event being held at the stadium, where we got to watch the game on the club level and enjoy free food and drink. It was a lot of fun to be there with my Dad. The food was not vegan friendly though. They had burgers, potato salad and cookies. They did have a vegetarian option for a burger, and it was pretty good. But I am pretty sure there was cheese in it. And I am pretty sure the potato salad was not made with a vegan mayo. So I could have chosen not to eat dinner, and be “that guy”, which I know a lot of people do, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing to do that. It’s also not a bad idea if you’re going to a social event like this one to eat before you go, but that’s something you need to decide for yourself. For me, my Dad and his wife were very excited for me to come with them, that if I chose not to eat what was provided at this event, I would have made them feel bad. And that’s the last thing I wanted to do. I didn’t care about the food that night. What I cared about was being able to watch the game (yet another game!) with my dad. How I choose to eat at home is my decision, but out in the world, or at other people’s homes, it’s different, because people shouldn’t have to cater to me. If they want to, then their heart and hospitality is off the charts amazing. But I never expect it. Because I don’t go over to peoples homes hoping to stick to my agenda, just like I didn’t go to the game with my Dad to stick to my agenda. I go to see them and to spend time with them. And I don’t want to miss that because of food.

I have yet to mention what happened to me the other night, I am sorry I keep going on different thoughts, but they are related to this I promise. Ok here it is. That night with my Dad, I found out that he needs to have surgery, a bypass actually in his leg. He was in a lot of pain Monday night, and I guess he has been for a long time. I had no idea. I don’t see my Dad very often, and that makes me sad. Life is too busy and is going too fast. We live far from each other, well far enough we can’t just “pop in” and say hello. Those are all excuses really. I could make more of an effort to see my Dad, but I don’t. I need to though. I realized that night that my parents are human, and they aren’t going to be around forever. My dad’s health is actually going down hill. Nothing real serious, but he’s getting older and the nothing too serious can turn into serious pretty fast. I am worried about him and hoping this surgery will help him with his pain. I drove home from the stadium that night thinking about my dad, and my childhood with him. The memory that stood out and kept replaying in my head was him always twirling my sister and I to his crazy, hippie, 70’s rock n’ roll. I loved dancing with my Dad, and it always made me feel so special when we danced. Now I just feel silly dancing with my kids, but I know it makes them feel loved too.

I don’t want to miss out on any time I could be spending with my friends or family, all of the people that I love and who God has put in my life. I want all of them around my table or in my house as often as I can. I don’t want food or religion or politics to separate us. I just want to be me, and know that that’s enough for them. I want everyone to know that in my house, around my table, you are always welcome, no matter your diet choice, religious beliefs or political alliances. Everyone is welcome, no matter what.

Really Good (not grainy) Guacamole

Ingredients:

  • 4-5 ripe avocados
  • 1 TBS avocado oil (olive oil works fine too)
  • 3 garlic cloves, pressed
  • juice from 1 lime
  • 1 TBS cumin
  • Salt to taste
  • Optional Ingredients: 1/2 cup finely diced red onion, 1/2-1 whole seeded finely diced jalapeno.

Make It!

  1. Combine all of the ingredients in a medium bowl. Mix well. Enjoy with chips! or a spoon 🙂

Until Next Time…

Bon Appetit!

2 thoughts

  1. Aubrey loved this post and couldn’t agree more with your idea that food should unite us not divide us! Thank you for this, I was very encouraged:))

    Liked by 1 person

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